4 Books that you should read to become a better version of yourself.
After reading tons of self-help books, I realized that a lot of them talk about similar things and all of them have the same agenda: to help you become a better version of yourself.
But in this sea of self-help and nonfiction books, I found a few books that are fundamental and bring forward a different and deeper perspective.
And more importantly, the lessons taught in these books strike a deeper chord and help you in your journey of self-improvement.
So let’s dive right in and explore these impeccable reads that have helped me become a better version of myself and I am quite sure they will help you in the same way.
4 Books to become a better version of yourself.
1. The Compound Effect
𝐒𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐬 + 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐲 + 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞 = 𝐑𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐃𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞/𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐒𝐮𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬
The simple little formula you see above is the core theme of this book. And the beauty of this concept is that it is universal just like the law of gravity. Always working for you or against you depending upon the choices that you are making on a regular basis.
If you read between the lines, this book teaches you the essence of living a happy life. It teaches you to delay gratification. A lot of our problems, heartache, and stress come from this culture of instant gratification. We want everything instantly be it food, skills, happiness, and success. But life doesn’t work that way.
Anything worth achieving doesn’t come easy.
And that is where the compound effect comes in, Small consistent efforts towards things/goals that you want to achieve build momentum, strengthen your confidence, and help you become a better version of yourself one step at a time.
Sounds easy? Well, the simplicity of the compound effect is the hardest part, doing similar things day in and day out is a boring process, and building momentum isn’t easy because we are being programmed in a different way: to seek everything instantly.
But if you live with this philosophy of compound effect in your life, you will see major and incremental life changes in your life. The compound effect never stops it is always working, it’s up to you to decide whether you want it to work for you or against you.
𝐒𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞:
Everyone is affected by three kinds of influence
Input — What you feed your mind
Associations — The people with whom you spend your time
Environment — Your surroundings
To change the quality of your outcomes you have to change the quality of your influence. If you are constantly feeding your mind with negative thoughts, spending time with toxic people and you are not consciously choosing/designing your environment. Then you can’t expect incremental changes in your life.
2. The Four Agreements
This masterpiece has the capacity to transform your interpersonal relationship and help you see other people’s opinions or candid remarks in a completely different light.
The book discusses the four agreements that we must make with ourselves and also talks about various other agreements that we had already made that we are completely unaware of, through the influence of our society, and their values, and culture, due to our conditioning and our upbringing.
Let’s briefly discuss the four agreements
𝐁𝐞 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐜𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝
The most powerful words in this universe are the words you say to yourself. Please don’t use them to blame yourself, use them to embrace yourself. We are liars, the lies that we feed our mind degrades the beauty of our soul, it makes us feel guilty, it makes us feel bad about ourselves.
We are what stories we tell ourselves. We must make an agreement to use our words in the direction of truth and love for ourselves.
𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲
If someone says you are stupid. If you take this abuse personally then deep down you do believe that you are stupid. You take it personally because you agree with whatever was said. What people do, say, & the opinions they have is a reflection of the agreements they have made with themselves; it has nothing to do with you. And it has everything to do with them. It shows what kind of a person they are, it defines their character, not yours.
𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬
We have this tendency to make assumptions about everything because
(A) It is easy to make assumptions and,
(B) We do not have the courage to ask questions.
But the trouble starts when those assumptions feel like truths to our subconscious minds. We try to make someone else wrong just to defend our assumptions.
And people have fought wars to defend what they assumed to be the truth until it was proven otherwise. To get out of this trap is to replace assumptions with questions.
𝐀𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭
This is about taking action on the first three agreements & always doing your best in following these agreements & don’t beat yourself for it if in some situations your best is not what you were expecting it to be.
Just stay consistent and mindful, responding rather than reacting.
Even if you just try to implement these agreements in your life, you will start to feel a sense of calm within you and in your relationships.
3. Atomic Habits
Aristotle famously said “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act but a habit.”
The statement couldn’t be more true, our habits today will define our future. So Spending our time, money, and energy on improving our habits is an investment that can give us handsome returns on our investments.
Atomic habit is a book that will give you all the necessary tools to help you transform your habits and make you a better version of yourself.
Another fundamental book that actually works.
Let’s talk about the four fundamental laws of habit building.
𝐋𝐚𝐰 𝟏: Make it Obvious(The Cue)
The first element in the habit loop is the cue which is the trigger that sets the ball rolling and initiate a behavior.
If you want to build good habits and make your cues obvious all around you. Let’s take an example, suppose you want to build a habit of reading books, put your books in a place where you can see them on a regular basis i.e your workplace, your bedroom, or any place where you spend maximum time during the day.
This will increase the likelihood of you picking up a book and actually starting to read it.
𝐋𝐚𝐰 𝟐: Make it Attractive(Craving)
Rein your creative horses and ask yourself a question, how can I make it attractive?
Before we go in further I’d like to point out that making good behavior attractive on a deeper level is hard, it takes time, effort, and a clear & right intention to make it stick.
Let’s take the above example of reading books. You can make it attractive by first reading books that satisfy your curiosity, if you are interested in reading about sci-fi then pick up a book that is from the same genre, your own curiosity will make you crave reading the book.
𝐋𝐚𝐰 𝟑: Make it Easy(Response)
It all comes down to your environment, and how you are optimizing it to your advantage. In the above example of building a reading habit, let’s suppose your books are not visible to you and you need to get them out of your cupboard in the storeroom every time you want to read a book, then you are more likely to procrastinate on this whole reading thing and watch a cute cat video instead on your smartphone which is lying just in front of you where the book was supposed to be lying.
Reduce the friction between you and the book, it should readily be available at an arm’s distance whenever you crave it.
𝐋𝐚𝐰 𝟒: Make it Satisfying
Now we are on to the last element of the habit loop which is the reward, it is something we actually crave, the reward is the motivation a lot of people are repeating similar behaviors day in and day out. It doesn’t matter if it is benefiting them or not. They are motivated by the reward.
So ask yourself How can I make it satisfying? Because that is how your brain will make you remember whether to repeat this behavior or not.
Associate instant rewards with your actions to keep your mind motivated until the action itself becomes a reward and you no longer need external motivation or rewards to satisfy your cravings.
So, building a reading habit, how can I make reading books satisfying? Well, I’m quite an avid reader myself and I like to add my 2 cents here that if you are doing it right, reading in itself is a satisfying experience although as a beginner you can add external rewards which totally depends on your preferences.
But be careful not to sabotage your habit-building process with your process of reward setting.
The four laws explained above can be reversed to break a destructive habit.
Law 1: Make it Invisible
Law 2: Make it unattractive
Law 3: Make it difficult
Law 4: Make it unsatisfying.
The laws explained above are the essence of this book and can help you make or break any habit your want.
4. THE SUBTLE ARE OF NOT GIVING A F*CK
The degree to which a person can grow is directly proportional to the amount of truth they can accept about themselves. Truth is revealed through honest self-reflection. And this book provides you with a lot of opportunities for honest self-reflection.
Contrary to the name it’s a book about giving a f*ck, but to the right people, right opportunities, right relationships, right things, and right values and forces you to choose your struggles.
This book is a reality check we all need, to stop and reflect on the way we live our lives. It talks about happiness, pain, suffering, failure, and how to live your life.
𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧:
Problems never stop they merely get upgraded or exchanged. Happiness comes from solving problems, not by avoiding them.
Self-awareness is like an onion the more you peel it and the more layers you’ll discover. By peeling through these layers you’ll discover the things you want to struggle for.
Manson’s law of avoidance: The more something threatens your identity, the more you’ll avoid it.
It encourages us to develop the hardest skill, which is always questioning ourselves & doubting our own thoughts and beliefs. Be open to new beliefs and drop the old ones, once you see that they are not serving you.
Let go of the “Old you” a version of yourself that is not allowing you to grow. A version that is still holding onto the wrong values, faulty beliefs, delusional thinking, and entitlement. Read it to become a better version of yourself.
On a final note, I’d like to point out something immensely important. Reading these books once won’t change much, you will feel a sense of motivation and as you know external motivation doesn’t last that long, so I advise you to read them slowly and give them multiple reads, apply the techniques in these books and trust the process.
Remember Self-improvement is an uphill journey, not an easy road to travel but is it worth it? Then you already know the answer.
